Richard Marx "Hazard".

"My mother came to Hazard when i was just seven". That's a great opening line for a song. Did she and her son move to the town of 'Hazard' when the son was seven, or did something happen to the mother, and the towns people think the son was responsable?.

I think it was the second one. It fit's with the tone of the song. But, that line just pull's me into the song. And, then, there's the mystery of what happened to Mary. He was, apparently, the last person to see her by the river, and now she was either missing or dead, either way, once again, he was being held responsible for poor Mary's fate.

Then there's the line "i have to make it to the river and leave this old Nebraska town". Is he just gonna leave the town on a boat, or some other way, or is he gonna commit suicide?.

Yes, i'm pretty obsessed with this song, but i love 'mysterious" song's ('Ode to Billie Joe' is another obsession) and i never get tired of listening to them. Ever.

I am insecure, i don't mind admitting it.

That's my biggest 'thing'. I am really insecure. Mostly about my look's and my personality, about 90 per cent of the time i think i'm a freak, who should hide herself away from the world.

I do, at times, feel ugly, especially when i see really pretty girl's, i alway's think "i wish i looked like that". They all seem so perfect and so cool, and i'm just little old me.

I know nobody's perfect, but, at times, i really struggle to believe those 'perfect' girl's aren't perfect. I am told i'm pretty, but i just think "yeah, sure i am", in a cynical, sarcastic tone, and pay no attention at all.

And people think ditzy girl's are fake. I AM ditzy. It's not faked. God, i wish i could be one of the cool girl's, but i'm not. I am really ditzy and scatter brained. I was born that way. It's who i am, and i aint gonna change that.

I am gonna beat my insecurities someday. Somehow. I am determent to win the war.

Fountain's of Wayne "Stacy's mom".

I once knew someone who called this 'pop porn'. Ok, it may be that, but it's incredibly catchy, and i love it.

I am a big FOW fan anyway. I love their quirky lyric's, and the 'vibe' of their music, and i actually got into the band just by hearing this song.

I loved it so much, and couldn't stop listening to it, and had to buy an album, which progressed to another, and i became a fan.

"Stacy's mom has got it going on/ She's all i want and i've been waiting for so long/ Stacy can't you see you're just not the girl for me/ I know it might be wrong but i'm in love with Stacy's mom" is the catchy chorous, and the song is just so 'poppy' that i will never grow tired of it ever.

I dream of having a home again.

I just wanna have a place where i can lock the door and shut the world out. A place where i can walk around in my pyjama's and no make up without the fear of bumping into someone.
A place where i can take long bath's and where i can watch whatever i want on telly, and just be around the people i love.
I miss my own space. The motto here is "this is home, and everyone is a family".
I don't share that idea. No, it's not home. I've never had to share my home with 30 plus stranger's before and no, these people are not family. I'm not the kind of person who can say a stranger is like family.
The people i love and care about are my family. They're the people like my mum, my boyfriend, my close friends, not people i've just met.
I'm sorry, but i just want a home again, more than anything.

I feel like i'm in prison.

I'm at this new place and i honestly think that i'm in prison.
There's cctv camera's everywhere, with the bosses knowing your every move. That's a good idea, in theory, but the addict's just know their way around avoiding them.
And then i have my mum checking on me every 5 minutes. I kid you not. She knock's to wake me up, do my washing, to check what time i go to bed. You name it, i get 'checked' for it.
Yes, i have depression. No, i'm not suicidal.
And now i have to avoid the weird guy's and the druggies and alco's, too. Oh, and i'm not allowed to be alone. Apparently, i 'need' to be around people. No, i don't. I just need to find a place and leave.

I kinda like my new place.

I have my own little room, and hopefully i'm bringing in some of my belonging's in over the next few day's, so i'm starting to think of it as home.
Also, everyone there is lovely, and i'm just spending my time in the lounge, watching telly, that's what i did at 'home'. I feel more at peace now with what has happened then what i did last week.
I don't hate the fact i had to move anymore. I have a nice new home, and soon will be getting my own home (hopefully) so it's all good.

I'm not coping at all at the moment.

I feel like i'm in some kind of bad nightmare, and i just wanna wake up and find out that it's all been a bad dream.
I miss my house. I miss having long bath's, and cooking in my kitchen, and just being at home.
I feel as if my life has been taken away, and i just want everything to go back to normal.
I'm really not sure how much more i can take. Sorry for the down post, but just need to get the negativity out.

So, my mum and i got evicted today.

Don't ask. Long story. Basically, my mum (and me) were evicted at noon from our home.
The removal guy turned up, put all the stuff in the van and then the storage people rang. They didn't have a spare unit. So, the council had to sort out a storage unit for us, and me and removal guy had to go along and empty van. Then go back to my now old house, and pick up my mum, then go to newcastle civic centre and find out about the homeless services, and then go to the hotel.
It's been a weird, and very tiring day.

A story i wrote: "Out of her depth".

Everybody told her that she needed help.
But she didn't think she needed help at all.
She never thought of herself as an alcoholic.
She did like a drink, yes, but she didn't think she was addicted.
She could stop anytime she wanted.
The problem was, she didn't want to stop.
Drinking solved the problem's she couldn't stop thinking about when she was sober. The problem's she couldn't solve when she was sober.
To her, drinking was a way to let go and have fun.
But, her family and friend's didn't see it that way.
And soon she would have to pick what she wanted more. Her family or the drink.

A story i wrote "Choices".

He was in a situation he never thought he'd ever be in.
He was torn between two women.
The first woman was his long term girlfriend. She was bubbly, popular and pretty.
But she had recently started a new job and it seemed that she had no time for him anymore.
The second woman was a girl from work.
She had made it clear that she wanted to date him -and she also made it clear she wasn't going to let the fact he had a girlfriend stand in her way.
So, he had a choice to make.
Did he throw it all away for one cheap thrill?. Or did he try to work thing's out with his girlfriend?.
Was he strong enough to reject the advances of the girl from work?. Was he strong enough to deal with the consequences if he did?.
What choice would he eventually have to make?. Only he knew the answer's.

"Baker baker" by Tori Amos.

I think Tori Amos is wonderful. Highly talented and wonderfully quirky, what's not to love?.

I love a lot of her song's, but 'baker baker' is one of my favourite's. It's very beautiful, and i think anyone who has ever lost anyone they love can relate to this song, even though it's really about a woman losing a lover after she has been pushing him away, she pushed too far and he left her.

But, i also think it can be a simple message of don't take the people you love for granted, as you know when you won't have them anymore.

A story i wrote: "Fear".

She stared into the darkness and wondered where he was.
Was he close?. Could he see her?.
She had to stop to catch her breath, but she knew she had to start running again.
Even though her leg's ached, and felt tired, she knew she couldn't stop.
He was trying to kill her.
It was only luck that had caused her to get away from him earlier, but she knew, her luck would run out sooner or later.
She had got a head start earlier, but she knew that she wasn't safe.
She looked around, it had appeared that she had lost him, but that didn't mean she could stop running. He would kill her, if he ever caught her, and she wasn't going to let him catch up with her.
She heard a noise, and that was enough incentive to start running again.
She had to hope her fear would give her enough strength to keep her going.
She could be running for a long, long time. She knew he would never give up chasing after her.

How to make tuna and cucumber bite's.

This makes 10 to 15 bites.

You need:

200g /7oz canned tuna, drained and flaked
1-2 tbsp olive oil
Small handful of chopped fresh parsley
Good squeeze of lemon juice
1/2 small red onion, finely chopped
Sea salt and freshly ground black pepper
1 cucumber

Method
1. Mix the tuna with the olive oil, parsley, lemon juice and red onion, and season with the salt and pepper.
2. Cut the cucumber into 1cm thick slices and sit spoonfull's of the tuna mixture on top of each one. Arrange on a plate.

And, there you go. It's that easy. Ideal for parties. Enjoy.

I may write some more Jay/ Vonda fiction.

From my 'From afar' story. I have grown quite attached to the pair, and i'm sure they have plenty of stories left to tell.

For the record, i was listening to Vonda Shepard's "By 7.30" album when i first got the idea for the story. I couldn't think of a name that suited the character (and i like unique names) so i used 'Vonda'. I think it suit's her. As for 'Jay', well, my friend has a little boy called James, and everyone  call's  him 'Jay', so i thought that i'd use the name for the male character.

I do like unique and 'original' names, especially for girl's. Just another way i make my writing unique.

Some more of my favourite tv show quote's.

STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION.
Data: If the warp drive fail's to activate, the result's could be..unfortunate.
Worf: Very unfortunate. We will be dead.

MYSTERIOUS WAYS
Declan Dunn: I even changed my sock's for you.

LAW AND ORDER: SPECIAL VICTIM'S UNIT
John Munch: Liv, Ashley called.
Olivia Benson: Is everything alright?.
John Munch: No. She saw the new N'SYNC video, and was sadly dissapointed, as was i.

LAW AND ORDER
Lenny Briscoe: You do understand that we don't work for you, personally?.

THE SHIELD
Shane Vandrell: Why can't one of them do it?.
Trish George: They don't look gay enough.

THE LONE GUNMEN
Frohike: Ma, i've been dressing myself since i was 40.

MYSTERIOUS WAYS
Declan Dunn: You don't like pancakes?.
Miranda Finklestein: I had a bad experience.

THE AVENGERS
John Steed: Tried working once. Didn't work out. Too much like work.

THE SHIELD
Vic Mackey: Huh, the armenian's speak armenian.

Some 'CSI' quote's.

I love 'CSI', so i thought i'd share some funny quote's from the show with you.

Grissom: Are we paying you by the word?.

Greg: I had to send this to an outside lab since we're not equipped to carry out bacterial DNA analysis. Hint,  hint.

Catherine (as she is telling Grissom everything that is wrong in her life): I haven't had sex in six, no, seven, month's...
Grissom: How can i help?.

Greg: Maybe i should stop trying to impress you.
Grissom: That would impress me.

Brass: Hey, look what i found. A knife with blood on it.
Grissom: Hey, look what i found. Dead guy.

Time to re -name 'Home and away' to 'The Braxton's'?.

To be honest, i've given up on 'Home and Away' at the moment. Why?. Because the Braxton brother's (and their family and never ending enemies) seem to feature in almost ALL of the storylines.

The producer's even sacked the actor who played Sid because he spoke out against the writing and storylines. Sid was one of the best character's in the show, but they got rid of him.

Irene's cancer storyline lasted all of five minutes, and i will never forgive the writer's for the whole April /Heath thing. That was just TOO creepy (Heath wanted Bianca, so slept with her teenage sister to annoy her).

What is the appeal of these criminal's anyway?. Casey is in and out of prison so much they should have a revolving door just for him. Heath, ok, he has the dad thing going for him, and Brax is ok, at times. But, seriously, ENOUGH focus on this damn family, and actually give the other character's some screen time, and some decent storylines.

Really enjoyed 'The deep end'

Watched this last night, and i really enjoyed it.

The film is about a woman, who, after finding the body of her son's gay lover, moves the body, and attempt's to cover up her son's involvement in the victim's life. Then she is contacted by a blackmailer, who threaten's to give the police a 'sex tape' of her son and the victim, unless she pay's him, and his mysterious partner, a large sum of money. Then thing's start to get interesting,(SPOILER ALERT) as the blackmailer and the woman start to forge a bond after he saves the life of her father in law.

It's a slow film, but it managed to totally engage me. It was interesting, and believable. And it didn't hurt that it had Goran Visnjic in it. I loved him in E.R. And Tilda Swinton was really good playing the concerned and protective main character. Will certainly watch it again.

Some of my favourite quote's from my favourite tv show's.

The title explain's it all.

THE AVENGER'S
(while looking at a bed)
Emma Peel: I've alway's rather fancied myself in one of these.
Steed: So have i, i mean, i have too.

DHARMA AND GREG
Greg: I wouldn't want our marriage to get in the way of your dating.

ALLY MCBEAL
Ling Woo: I only go to work to wear my outfits.

THE GOOD WIFE
Alicia: The last time i was in court was 13 year's ago.
Kalinda: I was 12.
Alicia: Thanks.

THE INVISIBLE MAN (2000)
Albert Eberts: Great news, Bobby. I was able to pull a few strings and managed to get you you're very own staple remover.

NEIGHBOURS
Harold Bishop: Don't we need clearence, or something?.
Madge Bishop: Harold, i am not an aircraft.

FRASIER
Frasier Crane: Is there a lightbulb over my head?.
Niles Crane: You have an idea?.
Frasier Crane: No, i'm asking if there's an actual lightbulb over my head.

Elvis Presley 'In the ghetto'.

I absolutely adore this song. It's very sad, and beautiful. It's also been claimed that it was Elvis' first social song, and i won't disagree with that claim.

It's one of my favourite ever Elvis song's, and i have a few, and i love the story of the song. It's very sad. It's a song about a baby being born into poverty, and how, as the baby grow's into a young man, he turn's to crime to get money, and that, ultimately kill's him.

And then, at the end of the song, there's another baby born, who we, the listener, is led to believe will endure the same fate, and tragic ending, as the first young boy. And, even today, the song is relevant. How many children live in poverty?. A lot.

I will stop rambling now. Just wanted to share my love of this song.

Some 'one tree hill' quotes.

I loved 'one tree hill' when it was on, and thought i'd share a few of the most memorable quotes from the show.

Brooke: I was partially naked. At one point i had mitten's on, cause it was cold.

Dan: Well, maybe you could sing them one of your song's and drive them away, like you did with most of your fanbase.

Hayley: Wow, you're good.
Chris: I know.

Dan: He's not dead. He's just....well, i guess he could be dead by now.

My personal favourite quote from the show, this one.
Chris: Chris Keller is too pretty to go to prison.
Julian: That's what i said.
Chris: You said Chris Keller was pretty?.

Can't see 'Breathe in' after all.

It was only being shown at the independant cinema in town, and now, they're no longer showing it.

It was only out a week. And on at really bad times (for me, anyway lol).

I read a few review's that said it was quite slow, and not much happened, but that's why i wanted to watch it. The story is slow and, going by what i've read about it, isn't just a 'oh, i like you, let's go to bed' kind of story. It's (apparently) about 2 people fighting their attraction, and dealing with the consequences when they do give into it.

I will probably buy it on dvd when it comes out. It's still on my 'must watch' list.