I'm a lucky girl.

I have the BEST boyfriend in the world. Why is that, i hear you ask, well, let me tell you why.

I aint easy to handle at times. I get moody and over emotional, but he knows when i need a hug and when i need to just rant, he listen's to me.

He gives the best hug's ever.

He makes me laugh. A lot. Often when he doesn't mean to.

He's quite old fashioned in a lot of ways. He open's door's for me, and makes sure i'm safe and he buy's me stuff (he bought me a bear to cheer me up the other week) and he's supportive and sweet.

He's also very hot.

I'd like him to compliment me more, but other than that i'm very happy. I love him with all of my heart and really do see us spending the rest of our lives together. I hope we do, anyway.

Heart or head....which one do you follow?.

You know when you're making the 'big' decision's in life, how do you make them?.

Do you follow your heart, and to hell with the consequences, or do you be sensible, and go with your head?.

I ask this, as i have mentioned previously, that i'm going through a bit of an emotional rollercoaster, and the majority of the time i feel that i don't know anything anymore.

Do i go back 'home' or stay where i am, at the beach?. Do i go back to a job i know how to do or challenge myself in a total new one?. Do i have faith in the skill's i have or do i want to 'refresh' them?.

I don't have the answer's to any of these question's. I think i am just gonna play it by ear, and see what (else) life throw's at me.

My favourite 'Beatles' song's.

I had a discussion earlier with the boyfriend about the Beatles, and i thought i would share my favourite song's by the group.

Here goes, in no particular order:

'Paperback Writer'. It inspired 'last train to Clarksville', which i love.

'Love me do'. So catchy.

'Hey Jude'. A classic that i thought everyone would know (not my boyfriend, apparently).

'I wanna hold your hand'. Another catchy tune by the lads.

'Ticket to ride'. I love this song. Always have.

'Yesterday'. So beautiful.

'Penny Lane'. My mum's favourite.

'Let it be'. Another classic.

My favourite cover of a beatles track has to be Billy J Kramer's 'Do you want to know a secret?'. I love that song, and that particular version. Don't know why, i just do.

Wish i didn't call my friend's girlfriend a 'super bitch'.

At the time i didn't know either of them that well, so it was just me judging their relationship 'from the outside'.

But now, i am actually quite good friend's with the guy, and he's been confiding in me about her, and, i realize i may have been wrong to think of her as a 'super bitch'.

Ok, she's treated my friend badly, but she has problem's, and her own issue's to deal with, and a little part of me actually admires her for not letting anyone push her around and not caring what anyone think's of her.

I just really hope she clean's up her act, and realizes she's maybe been given a second chance with my friend. Second chances don't happen that often, and should not be wasted.

Got some of our storage today.

Feel so happy today. I have my stuff (well, some of it anyway) and i feel that i can finally settle down at this house for a bit.

It feel's like we can, eventually, put a line underneath everything that has happened in the last few week's.

Thankyou, too, to my boyfriend, who helped move a load of furniture. We couldn't have done it without him.

Just feel happy at last.

'Burn Notice' is no more.

I love 'Burn Notice', it's one of my favourite show's ever. It's about an ex-spy who is trying to find out who got him sacked (or 'burned', as they call it in the spy world) while trying to help people who need his help.

Michael (the lead character) is helped by his ex girlfriend, the trigger happy Fiona, his best friend, Sam (Bruce Campbell) and later on in the series, Jesse, an agent Michael manages to get 'burned', as well as his chain smoking mum, Madeline.

It's a mix of action, drama, comedy with a little romance thrown in for good measure.

Anyway, the final episode of this brilliant show was aired in America this week. I read some spoiler's, as i have no idea when us in the UK will get to see it, and it sounded good.

Even though the show is no more, i will still watch the dvd's and re-run's. I will ALWAYS love this show.

A little story i wrote, called "Jaded".

She tried to remember back to a time when she was happy, and he was by her side.
It had only been five year's since they had met. They had got married a short time later and they had two children.
But she wasn't enough for him.
He hated the fact that she put the children before his need's. He was not the most important person in her life anymore.
That's why he started having affair's with the girl's in the office. They gave him the attention she didn't.
And yet, she would never leave him. No matter how miserable he made her, she didn't want to be alone.
And he would never leave her because, deep down inside, he still loved her.
They both figured out that it was better to be together and unhappy than it was to be alone and scared.

Ok, i don't think i can cook.

I like cooking, i really do. The only problem is that i really don't think i can actually cook.

I can cook pasta. I'm an expert in throwing pasta (and noodles) in a pan and cooking some great dishes. I can cook pizza. I can also bake cakes and pudding's.

The only thing is i don't think i can cook 'real' food. I undercook or burn everything i cook.

My boyfriend think's i am a domesticated goddess. I think i led him to believe that. The reality is VERY different. I really hope that isn't a deal breaker in our relationship.

I hope he doesn't decide that he can't live with someone who is a domesticated mess.

I really would love to be a 'kitchen queen', but the reality is i am a kitchen nightmare.

I know what i want most of all.

In 10 or 15 year's in the future, i really hope i'm married to my boyfriend, with a couple of kid's running around.

That's what i want most of all. I wanna be with him. I want us to grow old together.

I'm scared, though. He think's i'm some kind of domesticated goddess, and i can cook pasta and pizza, but i undercook or burn everything else. I worry i'm not good enough for him.

I really want him and my mum to get on. Have to initiate some meeting's, i think, so they can get to know each other.

Thing's have been a bit strange the last few week's. I know there's a few issue's we need to work on in our own lives, but i'm willing to do anything to save the best relationship i've ever been in with the only person i've ever been in love with.

And i hope David feel's the same way. As he's the only person i wanna be with.

I over-reacted a little bit yesterday.

I put it down to me having a bad day. I had to go back "home" to try to get some storage out, and, long story short, that didn't go well, and it just reminded me of how much has happened in the past few week's.
 
I am still adjusting to what has happened. I've lived in the same little town, in the SAME HOUSE all of my life, and now i am not, and the reason's why, are still trying to be proccessed by your's truly, here.
 
We saw some people we knew yesterday, too, ands they were asking about stuff that happeneed, and it was all just resulted in having a day that i really wanna forget.
 
On the plus side, though, i did get to watch 'not going out' which i enjoy (being a big Tim Vine fan) and i actually managed to get to sleep without ANYONE knocking on the guy next door's door. So, at the moment, i am a very happy girl.

I wanna leave my house....again.

I'm just fed up of living with a bunch of stranger's who kick off with each other every damn day.

My mum, bless her, is scared like 99% of the time. I'm not exactly loving being here, either.

There's about 5 nice people here, and the rest are the 'psycho's'. I'm not staying here any longer than i have to.

The guy next door to me has 'visitor's' every single night at 2, 3, 4 in the morning, EVERY morning. And the 'zero tolorance' on alcohol and drug's is laughable. Even the 'big boss' smokes pot in the house.

I want to leave. I don't wanna stay here a day longer. I have to, though. But it's not gonna be for long.

I have a new friend.

As you are probably aware, the last few week's have been a bit of a shock to my system. A lot of stuff has happened, and i am still trying to process some of the event's of the last few week's.
 
Anyway, in the process of being in a big house share, as my mum and i are looking for our own place's, i have bonded with a few people. and there's about 5 people in there who i'd like to keep in touch with when i do move out. 
 
Yersterday, however, i met someone in my "house share" who i consider a friend. I spent a lot of time with them yesterday, and i really felt a connection there. Ok, there is a lack of women in my place, and the women that are there are not my age (there's just me, my mum, a woman around my mum's age and a girl about 18 who keep's herself to herself, basically) so this person is a guy, but i have loads of male friends, and i TOTALLY believe that men and women can be friend's without anything happening between them, so don't go getting the wrong idea.
 
It's good, though, that i have people i can talk to, who are in the exact same situation as i am, when living with lot's of people is getting me down, and i feel lonely, and scared, (and my boyfriend is at work, and i don't wanna bother him),  i think i found a friend in the process too, so everything at the moment is really good. Hope it stays that way.

What do you do when you reach a crossroad?.

I'm talking the metaphorically (sp?) crossroad, of course. The one life throw's at us, from time to time, and makes us question everything we thought we knew.

I was having a discussion with a housemate the other day, and the topic came up, as i'm at a crossroad in my life. I've gone through some stuff in the last few month's, and i'm just at the time in my life when i am saying "what am i doing with my life?."

I have so many ambition's and dream's, and being unemployed, i feel like my life is just wasting away like sand in an egg timer. Ok, bad example, but you know what i mean, right?.

I can't stay as i am, as i feel i'm in a rut, but, as i stand at this metaphoric crossroad, i now have to decide which way i'm actually gonna go.

Everything is cool again.

Last night was great. Lot's of different people watching movies. It was really good fun, and i got to talk to lot's of people, so it was good.

I over -reacted, as usual, over the pizza row. I do have a tendancy to worry about stuff i don't actually need to worry about. But, it's who i am. It's what i do.

To quote the great Adrian Monk: "It's a gift. And a curse".

It's not good that i worry about some stuff more than i should, but, at least, while i'm worrying, i'm "problem solving" so i do know how to actually deal with the problem. If that makes sense.

Ok, long story short: I'm enjoying living in the house. I seem to be fitting in ok. I talked to people about my concern's, and i'm embracing the situation i'm in.

Ok, that could change at any minute, but for now, everything's good.

Everything has gone wrong....again.

Just when i was foolish enough to think i was settling and coping, my mother causes world war 3 over a bloody pizza. With one of the people i actually like, and get on with here.

She had a point about this person pushing her to go to citizen's advice, but all my mother has done yesterday and today is complain. She's not ready to go through all of the explaining again about what happened.

I went through it, too. I just want to be happy, and i was doing ok, until tonight, just because someone said that the pizza needed to be cooked another minute or so, my mum's shouting and causing world war 3.

I don't want everyone to hate us, which is what's gonna happen if she continues to act like she's the only one that matters.

I was starting to be happy again. Now, i'm miserable as i'm gonna be sitting alone again in this house, and not really bonding with anyone. Or knowing anyone. Go me!.

Liking my new house better now.

Been there for 2 week's, and it is slowly starting to feel like home.

No, not the home i had before, i won't feel like i'm really "home" until i have my own place back.

I've bonded with a few people at my temporary home. I'm feeling more comfortable speaking up and joining in conversation's now. And i'm starting to know everyone (and their problems lol) and i'm actually starting to feel the "family" unit.

I think i'm, gradually, coming to term's with the event's of the last three week's.