Richard Marx "Hazard".

"My mother came to Hazard when i was just seven". That's a great opening line for a song. Did she and her son move to the town of 'Hazard' when the son was seven, or did something happen to the mother, and the towns people think the son was responsable?.

I think it was the second one. It fit's with the tone of the song. But, that line just pull's me into the song. And, then, there's the mystery of what happened to Mary. He was, apparently, the last person to see her by the river, and now she was either missing or dead, either way, once again, he was being held responsible for poor Mary's fate.

Then there's the line "i have to make it to the river and leave this old Nebraska town". Is he just gonna leave the town on a boat, or some other way, or is he gonna commit suicide?.

Yes, i'm pretty obsessed with this song, but i love 'mysterious" song's ('Ode to Billie Joe' is another obsession) and i never get tired of listening to them. Ever.

I am insecure, i don't mind admitting it.

That's my biggest 'thing'. I am really insecure. Mostly about my look's and my personality, about 90 per cent of the time i think i'm a freak, who should hide herself away from the world.

I do, at times, feel ugly, especially when i see really pretty girl's, i alway's think "i wish i looked like that". They all seem so perfect and so cool, and i'm just little old me.

I know nobody's perfect, but, at times, i really struggle to believe those 'perfect' girl's aren't perfect. I am told i'm pretty, but i just think "yeah, sure i am", in a cynical, sarcastic tone, and pay no attention at all.

And people think ditzy girl's are fake. I AM ditzy. It's not faked. God, i wish i could be one of the cool girl's, but i'm not. I am really ditzy and scatter brained. I was born that way. It's who i am, and i aint gonna change that.

I am gonna beat my insecurities someday. Somehow. I am determent to win the war.

Fountain's of Wayne "Stacy's mom".

I once knew someone who called this 'pop porn'. Ok, it may be that, but it's incredibly catchy, and i love it.

I am a big FOW fan anyway. I love their quirky lyric's, and the 'vibe' of their music, and i actually got into the band just by hearing this song.

I loved it so much, and couldn't stop listening to it, and had to buy an album, which progressed to another, and i became a fan.

"Stacy's mom has got it going on/ She's all i want and i've been waiting for so long/ Stacy can't you see you're just not the girl for me/ I know it might be wrong but i'm in love with Stacy's mom" is the catchy chorous, and the song is just so 'poppy' that i will never grow tired of it ever.

I dream of having a home again.

I just wanna have a place where i can lock the door and shut the world out. A place where i can walk around in my pyjama's and no make up without the fear of bumping into someone.
A place where i can take long bath's and where i can watch whatever i want on telly, and just be around the people i love.
I miss my own space. The motto here is "this is home, and everyone is a family".
I don't share that idea. No, it's not home. I've never had to share my home with 30 plus stranger's before and no, these people are not family. I'm not the kind of person who can say a stranger is like family.
The people i love and care about are my family. They're the people like my mum, my boyfriend, my close friends, not people i've just met.
I'm sorry, but i just want a home again, more than anything.

I feel like i'm in prison.

I'm at this new place and i honestly think that i'm in prison.
There's cctv camera's everywhere, with the bosses knowing your every move. That's a good idea, in theory, but the addict's just know their way around avoiding them.
And then i have my mum checking on me every 5 minutes. I kid you not. She knock's to wake me up, do my washing, to check what time i go to bed. You name it, i get 'checked' for it.
Yes, i have depression. No, i'm not suicidal.
And now i have to avoid the weird guy's and the druggies and alco's, too. Oh, and i'm not allowed to be alone. Apparently, i 'need' to be around people. No, i don't. I just need to find a place and leave.

I kinda like my new place.

I have my own little room, and hopefully i'm bringing in some of my belonging's in over the next few day's, so i'm starting to think of it as home.
Also, everyone there is lovely, and i'm just spending my time in the lounge, watching telly, that's what i did at 'home'. I feel more at peace now with what has happened then what i did last week.
I don't hate the fact i had to move anymore. I have a nice new home, and soon will be getting my own home (hopefully) so it's all good.

I'm not coping at all at the moment.

I feel like i'm in some kind of bad nightmare, and i just wanna wake up and find out that it's all been a bad dream.
I miss my house. I miss having long bath's, and cooking in my kitchen, and just being at home.
I feel as if my life has been taken away, and i just want everything to go back to normal.
I'm really not sure how much more i can take. Sorry for the down post, but just need to get the negativity out.