Dylan Keogh in 'Casualty'.

I am so glad that Dylan is back in 'Casualty'.

There's about half a dozen character's that I love in the show's
history (Dylan, Zoe, Nick, Ethan, Ruth, Jay, Ash, Lily -ok, 8) but I
think Dylan is the best character in the show's history.

He's arrogant, sarcastic, anti -social, grumpy, impatient. He also
hates patient's.

Yet he's one of the most 3 dimensional character's in the show's
history. He's a divorced man who lives on a boat with his dog. He's a
brilliant character.

I want an Ethan / Dylan friendship (both are socially akward but in
totally different ways, and I love both character's for their social
akwardness) as their scenes together will be really funny.

When I heard Zoe would return with a former doctor, I was either
hoping for Dylan or Nick, so would have been happy for either. I would
have loved a Dylan /Nick scene, too.

I'm a very happy fangirl, and I'd rather watch Dylan, Zoe, Ash and
Ethan over sleazy Cal, alcoholic cured in 3 episode's Rita preaching
to everyone, Lofty and Robin being annoying and Dixie being a bitch.

Off topic; Dixie has turned into a bitch since Jeff died. She had NO
right telling Ash he should have died instead of Jeff. I dislike her
now.

Hopefully Dylan will give her a famous Keogh putdown, and put her in
her place.

How to do a 'cat's eye' with eyeliner.

I love eyeliner. I hate liquid eye liner. I'm useless at applying it.
Give me a kohl eyeliner and I am a happy girl.

I have a friend who loves liquid eyeliner. She has one in every
imaginable colour, I think. In complete contrast to myself, she hates
kohl eyeliners.

One day she decided to email me a list of instruction's on how to get
a perfect 'cat eye' and I decided to share her list with you.

1. Tilt your chin up while looking down.

2. Sketch from the inner corner along the upper lash line.

3. Wing your liner towards the end of your brow. I assume you stop
sketching somewhere along there, otherwise you'd draw up to the brow
line.

4. Check both eyes are even. And tidy up any mistakes.


And that's it. That, according to my friend, Is how you get the
perfect cat eye.

I actually really enjoyed my work.

For the first few week's I really did enjoy working where I am volunteering.

I was learning new thing's and it was something I felt I was good at.

Ha. Now I feel like crying when I even think about going to work.

If you went to a place where EVERYTHING you did was the wrong thing,
wouldn't you not feel like crying?.

I mean, I put a cup on a saucer the wrong way, for god's sake. How can
I do that the wrong way?.

And, the really ironic thing is, the place I'm at is promoting
building confidence in returning to the workplace. I think I got the
reversal of that.

This week is actually ok in term's of shifts, and I may ask to take a
break if my housing thing goes ok tomorrow, as I can use that as an
excuse.

I really do love where I work, but maybe the cafe just isn't for me.
Maybe I need to look into other oppurtunities in the orginasation.

I really do like my voluntary work....

But I was under the impression that voluntary work was meant to boost
your confidence.

It's actually deflating mine.

I have decided that I really don't care anymore. I'm the girl who
makes a cup of tea wrong (apparently) so I'm never going to be able to
win.

So why bother?.

When I do the job then I am feeling confident. But then the nitpicking
start's and it just deflates my confidence.

In the last few day's I've:

Made tea wrong. Apparently I'm putting the cup, saucer, spoon combi
wrong. How I dunno.

I'm wiping tables wrong. Yet I'm doing the EXACT same thing as everyone else.

If I put washing up liquid in the sink, I get wrong for it as the
washing up liquid 'sticks' to the dishes and it overflows the
dishwasher. I also get wrong when I don't use washing up liquid, as
the dishes don't get clean.

The till always go weird for everyone who uses it for discount, only I
get told to 'be more careful'.

If there's dishes in the sink, and I try to serve a customer, I get
told to carry on with the dishes. If I do that, then I get wrong for
not serving the customer.

If there's a queue of customer's (which happens 90 % of the time) and
people leave while you're serving them, you get wrong for not cleaning
the tables. Well, I get wrong.

The really annoying thing is that I am pretty much convinced I won't
be needed there next week. I'm sure, with the way thing's are going,
I'm going to get told when the woman who's sick comes back, I'm going
to be told I'm sacked.

The way thing's are heading I wouldn't be surprised. I'm just not able
to do anything right. Everyone else is doing the same thing, but only
I get told it's wrong.

Maybe this thing just isn't for me.

The song 'Teenage Dirtbag'.

I love the song 'Teenage Dirtbag' by Wheatus. It was released around
the time I really starting getting into music, and not just listening
to boy bands.

There is something with the song that I connected with straight away.
It's quite a quirky song by a quirky band, and I liked that. I could
also understand the 'outcast' feeling that the narrator in the song
seem's to have.

I just found out yesterday that one direction did a cover of the song.
I have never heard the cover, and I will be very happy if I never do
the cover.

'Teenage dirtbag' is one of my favourite song's ever. I can listen to
it over and over and I will never get tired of listening to it.

I got prescribed prozac today.

I apologize to anyone who has a problem with a depressed person joking
about her illness, but that's what I am going to do here.

I know a few people with mental illness don't like jokes being made
about mental illness, and I agree to a certain degree, but my way to
cope is to joke about it.

There was a gallery of painting's displayed in the cafe I work in now
(another thing to post about) and they were painting's by a group who
have mental health issue's and disabilities. And one painting had the
word's "Were all mad in here" written on it, and people complained.

I don't want to get into a debate about that now, I just do understand
some people are uncomfortable about that.

But I do call myself crazy and I will joke about thing's in my life.
I've done enough crying and want to now embrace life.

Back to the reason of my post. I am now being prescribed prozac and
have a social worker.

I feel I can now say "I am ill" now. I feel I needed proof I was ill
for some people, and I now have it.

I have my prozac. I'm going to leave it a day or two before I start
taking them. I want to see if it was just stress making me feel
emotional the last few days, or if it was my depression.

I also want to note and experience how I feel pill free. I'm not the
kinda girl who's just gonna pop a pill and think 'that's it, I'm
cured'. I wanna know I am getting better and I have worked damn hard
to get here, and prozac or not, I will continue to work hard to get
better and I will not rely on a pill to cure me.

The prozac is a tool to my long term solution, not my solution. I
think I just need the prozac to get better enough to be able to move
on to being well.

Some film's I want to see.

Thought I would write a post about some film's I'd like to see.

1. MARGIN CALL

A film about stock trading. I like a lot of actor's in the film.

2. KITTY FOYLE

A Ginger Rodger's film about a woman forced to make choices. I love
classic Hollywood, and I'm a Ginger fan, so I'd like to see it.

3. LARS AND THE REAL GIRL.

A quirky indie movie about a man who believes he is having a
relationship with a doll.

4. LAST NIGHT

The end of the world is coming, and a group of people decide how to spend it.

5. JUNO

A bit out of date, but I wanna see this movie about a pregnant teen
who want's a better life for her baby.

YOU, AGAIN

A woman finds out her brother is marrying her high school bully.

EASY A

A teen realizes rumour's get out of hand easilly.

That's all I can think of at the moment. I will post again when I
think of some more.