Me to you bears.

I have a few 'Me to you' bears. I have quite a little collection. I also have stationary and other bits and pieces with Tatty Teddy on.

I just love the bear. He's so adorable. And the story that goes along side the bear makes me sad.

My bears vary in size, from very small, to quite big, and all of them have names (yes, i am that sad lol). My very big one is called Biscuit and my smallest one is called Jelly.

I know a lot of people see their collections, but i could never sell mine.

Pointless or The chase?.

Yes, i am talking about tea time game show's, and something that seems to have people divided.

Do you watch Pointless or do you watch The Chase?.

I love Alexander's and Richard's 'waffle' on pointless, and it's fun, but i have to admit, our house we watch The Chase. Don't like the changes they made to Pointless.

I feel that i actually learn something when i watch The Chase, and i am fond of the chaser's (Love Anne, and Mark especially) and i don't feel like i wasted an hour of my life.

CSI.

I just don't think it's been the same since Grissom left. I still watch it, and like it, but i miss Grissom.

I really do like the 'new guy' D.B. I think Ted Danson has added some humour to the show, and his character comes across as likeable, if somewhat quirky (which i like).

I didn't like DR. Ray, though. I just his character was lacking something, and i didn't 'feel' anything for the character. I even stopped watching for a while.

I do love all the characters on the show now. Especially Henry.

Looking forward to 'Person of Interest' returning.

I am watching 'Person of Interest' season 1 on channel 5, and it has been taken off for a 'Mid season break'.

It took me a while to get into the show, but i really enjoy it. It's about 2 men who try to stop violent crimes. It's more complicated than that, though.

I love 'Body of proof' that is on during it's break, so that's not too bad. But reading spoilers for P.O.I season 2, it sounds really good, so really looking forward to watching it.

I wish i could walk in heel's.

I love high heel's. They are so pretty, and they are so feminine.
There's just one tiny thing i don't like about them.

I can't walk in them.

I used to be able to, but i think my feet has developed some kinda
dislike to them, and now i can only shuffle about 3 steps before they
start killing my feet, and i start wobbling.

Maybe one day, i may be find a way to wear the pretty shoes i like so much.

'Love Story'.

I love this film. It's not the usual 'happy ever after' ending, as we
know at the start Jennifer dies. We just have no idea how she dies.

It's a film about young love, and how it's a struggle to marry young,
with both Jenny and Oliver having to make sacrifices in order to be
together.

Yes, it's cheesy and girlie, but it's an ideal choice for a girlie
night in. There is a sequel, called 'Oliver's story', but i have never
seen it.

If you like tear jerker's, then you really need to see this film.

My memories of my dad.

I haven't seen my father since i was about 9. Not my choice. I was always angry at him for just abandoning his daughter, but now, i realize that he had his reason's (he was an alcoholic) and i am better off without him in my life.

I don't know him, and i can't be angry at someone who i don't know.

I don't have many memories of him. I remember his flat, and the hideous green that his front door was painted. I also remember the horse and carriage statue that was on his kitchen window ledge. I always liked that. I also remember that every Wednesday, he would collect me from school, and i would either go to his for my tea, or he would take me to the community centre near his place, and take me to the dance class.

Yes, the only memory i have of my father is that he taught me some basic steps of dancing.

When i think back to then, i do wonder why he just turned his back on me. He never sent me a birthday card, or christmas card, even though he knew where i lived. And that got me angry. Why didn't he love me like all my friends dad's loved them?. What was wrong with me?.

Now i realize that it was never me. I didn't drive him away. I now know that he was an alcoholic, and a gambling addict. I know he spent more time in the pub and the bookies than he did with my mum when she lived with him. I know that if i was a horse, he would have taken more interest in me.

 I also know that he hit my mum more than once. I also know that i am better off without him in my life. My friend had an abusive dad. I know what it did to her, and i realize that could have so easilly have been me, afraid. Instead i had a nice (if slightly quirky) childhood, and i was mostly raised by my grandma, who i adored, and i still miss 16 years after she died.

If anyone asks me about my dad, i tell them that he's dead. I know that sounds really bad, but to me, he may as well be dead. I haven't seen, or heard from him in 20 odd years. And he may be dead for all i know. I have thought about tracking down his family, but then i think that they all knew where, and how, to find me, so i know they don't really care, and it's not worth dragging up the past when there's not much to gain, and i am probably gonna end up feeling rejected and hurt (and angry) all over again. It's not worth it. I refuse to let a stranger make me feel worthless and unloveable. And, as sad as it seems, that's all my father is to me. A stranger.